“I’m just being lazy”

This is a phrase I’ve heard uttered countless times by my clients. After a while, I started noticing a pattern- almost everyone who often says that in therapy has an ADHD diagnosis. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can present a variety of symptoms, but laziness is NOT one of them. People with ADHD may find focusing, completing tasks, planning, and time management more challenging. With this added challenge may come the feeling of being overwhelmed, anxiety, and lower self-esteem. This, in turn, can cause the automatic nervous system response of freezing to take place. According to Polyvagal Theory, when our arousal increases so much that our dorsal vagal parasympathetic system is activated, our body goes into shut down mode, making it near impossible to get tasks done. When in freeze we feel numb, immobile, and stuck- like when a possum “plays dead.” It is our body’s way of trying to protect itself and it is completely involuntary. One way to help yourself come out of the freeze response is the 3-3-3 coping strategy: name out loud three things that you can see, three things you can hear, and shake out three body parts.

Most of all, BE KIND TO YOURSELF! You are not lazy; your brain might just be overwhelmed and your body is protecting you. Remember, ADHD does NOT equal laziness.

By: Melanie Schwaba LCSW CADC

Do I Really Need to “Just Think Positively"?!

We’ve all heard it before- you’re going through something tough and a well-meaning friend tells you to “just think about it positively.” This can be infuriating because it often feels very invalidating to our feelings. But is there merit to this sentiment? The answer to this question is… yes and no. We don’t want to invalidate or brush off the feelings of ourselves and others, but the way we talk to ourselves DOES matter. Our responses to our automatic negative thoughts affects not only our mental wellness, but also our physical wellness.

Let’s say you make a mistake at work and have the automatic negative thought of “I can’t do anything right.” Your response can take your brain down two different paths: a further negative one or a positive/neutral one. I like to picture them as worn paths in the woods. If you take the first, negative path, a few things happen: you likely feel emotional stress because you’re reiterating to yourself that you can’t do anything right, and due to this emotional stress, your fight or flight response is activated. This response is there to protect you from perceived stress and causes your sympathetic nervous system to rapidly come online, in the same way it would if you were, say, being chased by a tiger.

Hormones are then released and your breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure all take a sharp increase. You also will eventually crash from this response and be left exhausted.

On the other hand, you can take the positive/neutral path. This might look like you responding to yourself with the thought of “I can do things right, I just messed up this time.” If that feels perhaps too difficult or positive in the moment, you can be more neutral such as “mistakes happen.” You may even pivot a bit and acknowledge something else such as “well I did a good job on the other work project yesterday.” All of these are examples of responses that will not trigger that stress response. You may not always 100% believe the positive/neutral responses but that’s okay! In the moment, we just want to prevent the stress response that makes you feel physically and mentally worse.

Back to why I think of the neural pathways as worn paths- much like with paths in a forest, the more you walk down or take the same path, the easier it is the next time (the branches are broken down, you can see the dirt and follow it easier, etc). This is important because our brains also make these connections. The more we respond to negative thoughts with more negativity, the easier and more likely it is for our brains to do it again! Luckily, we can change these neural pathways to the positive. Just like with the negative, the more we respond neutrally or positively to our automatic negative thoughts, the more we’ll respond that way in the future and the easier it’ll be. And the more we do it, the more we prevent the stress response.

Always honor and validate your feelings, and also work to change your response. You and your health are worth it!

By: Melanie Schwaba LCSW CADC